It Is What It Is
by rainingWolf
Summary: A chance encounter. Allen and Lenalee come across Lavi and are delighted. He, however, is not. He is no longer Lavi. He is Bookman. And Bookman has a duty and a fate that no longer involves Lavi's former comrades. Oneshot.


_You mustn't become too attached to these people. You are my successor; you cannot interfere with their history._

* * *

He was often told this by Bookman when he was younger- that the people they met did not matter. No matter what adventures he had with them, no matter the obstacles they had overcame together, he will have to leave it all behind and move on to his next destination. After all, he was the heir to the Bookman name. He had no right to let his feelings gain control over him. He was and always will be a Bookman whose duty was to record history that will not be riddled with victorious sides that will erase and alter records. He cannot escape it- it is a destiny he chose.

* * *

It's been years since he'd been in this part of Europe, where there was no greenery and no open sky to look at. Instead, tall buildings shadow him as he walked and smoke obscured the sun that vainly tried to puncture the grey mass that surrounded it.

Despite all this, the air was fresh and cold, burning his lungs as he breathed in deep. People blurred past him in their hurry to move on in their lives and he continued walking with no goal in mind. There was no major war or conflict that was going on at the moment and so, he had settled on traveling a bit and maybe, on unearthing a small rebellion to record.

He had just rounded a corner when he heard someone call out in his direction. He ignored it, shouldering his way past another person, when he heard the same voice called out again but this time, it was closer. This time, the voice was accompanied by a higher pitched voice- a female who seemed quite distressed considering the clamour she was making. He should have just walked away; instead, he turned his head halfway back to see what the disturbance was about.

That was his first mistake.

Upon seeking a glimpse of silver hair and the flow of green-black hair, he paused, mid-step, blinking because the two people who were now waving at him were so utterly familiar that he had to stop the wave of nostalgia coming over him.

That was his second mistake.

His third and final mistake was when the name of the two people who now stood in front of him, breathless from running to catch up to him, slid off his tongue like soft velvet; as if their names were hidden inside him, waiting to jump out.

"Allen Walker. Lenalee Lee."

A beat. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

* * *

Lenalee blinked several times as Allen gapped besides her at the person before them. She couldn't believe her eyes and she had to lean forward to grasp the redhead's hands to make sure that he was real and not a hallucination bought on by the murky air.

"Lavi! It's really you! It's been so long! I didn't think it was you at first until I saw your eye patch. You've changed a lot over the years!"

That was an understatement as her eyes raked over his body. Last time she had saw him, he was barely a man. Now, the person standing before her was hardly recognizable to her if not for his signature flaming hair and the emerald eye that now stared resolutely back at her.

It was not that he had changed much physically. He was a bit taller than she remembered and his body seemed to be thinner than usual. But the most important change was the aura around him. Lavi was always someone who she could laugh and talk amiably with but now, it was as if he was presenting a closed door to her. She could no longer read the expression on his face that was once like an open book.

Her thoughts were broken when Lavi said, "Congratulations on your marriage," eyes locked pointedly on the ring that was on her finger; she had yet to let go of his hands.

At that, she dropped her grip to twist the ring around her finger. She stilled her hands when Allen slipped his comforting warm hands into hers, interlocking their fingers together. "We would have invited you to the wedding but we couldn't get a hold of you. Even _Komui_ didn't know where you or Bookman went and he kept track of _everybody _in the Order after it was disbanded following the war."

A pause as she glanced around. "By the way, where _is _Bookman?

If it was possible, Lavi's eyes seemed to become more hooded as he simply said, "I am Bookman now."

That effortless sentence seemed to wrap around her until she could no longer breathe and she had to exhale sharply from her nose in order to keep a lid on the rising feeling of horror. Those four words implicated much more than any ordinary person could perceived from it but from the way Allen's gentle caress of her hands instantly turned into a vice grip, she knew she was not the only one who realized the true meaning behind what Lavi had just said.

She swallowed hard, hoping that action would banish the lump that was growing rapidly in her throat, clogging her senses. "You're… you're Bookman now?" Her voice came out barely above a whisper and she wondered how Lavi could even hear it above the mountainous amount of voices surrounding them.

A strong voice answered steadily back. "I am."

And there was all there was to it. It explained everything; from the way Lavi had walked straight past them without giving a nod or greeting to the way he seemed to reluctantly turn back to the sounds of them calling out to him. It also explained how, this entire time, even though his stance was casual, his shoulders were hutched as if to protect him from the onslaught of memories that this confrontation must have triggered.

There was no conversation now, no more beaming smiles sent towards the redhead. Only a silence and a hesitant half-hearted twitch of their lips that conveyed more than words could ever say.

He was no longer Lavi.

He was no longer their friend.

The man before them seemed to understand what they could no longer put into words for he was slowly backpedaling, walking backwards away from them and into the busy crowd.

And before the redhead vanished from their sight, she heard the wind carry his words towards them.

"I _am _glad to see you guys. May good fortune find you in this life and the next."

His eyes seemed to sparkle for a precious second that sent her reeling back from the memories of parties and pranks and precious friendship that she never would have thought would ever be broken. Her moment of reminisce was abruptly cut off at the last words she ever heard from someone who was breaking her heart.

"Don't cry for me. I'm not worth it."

And all that was left of Lavi to remember by was the bitter taste of tears.

* * *

- I wanted to write a fic about how Lavi would react when he meets the Black Order again after a considerable amount of time had passed and this was the result. I wanted to show that although Lavi became Bookman, that did not mean he completely forgot all the memories that 'Lavi' had. Bookman and Lavi and all the other personas are complicatedly interconnected and Bookman is able to shift through them whenever the situation calls for it.

- I hope this makes sense.

- Reviews are much appreciated.


End file.
